This Old REM Song
by Sunshine-M
Summary: Carol muses over how it took the Apocalypse for her to start living again. Heavy Hints at Carol/Daryl, more than hints in my mind. Feedback would be greatly appreciated!


A/N: I do not own The Walking Dead or anything related to it except for a dvd box, so please don't sue! The same goes for the heavily quoted REM song!

When the world ended, that was when she came back to life. She felt pain, she felt fear, and dire heartache when she lost Sophia. The pain she felt, oh God, that pain when ick had to pull out his gun and put an end to the creature that was wearing her daughter's face but had destroyed her soul... She had never thought such pain could be felt and that you could survive. Her heart still ached whenever she thought of her little girl, of her blonde curls, of her naive smile. She sometimes wondered how she could still be standing, and living, breathing when she had lost such a big part of herself.

Her redemption had been and still was Daryl. He had been the catalyst of many revelations, of many discoveries about herself, who she was, who she had become, and who she wanted to be. There had been a defining moment, when he had given her the weapon to make sure Ed didn't come back from the dead. Even though he probably never thought about it, and it took her a long time to see it, allowing her to destroy the monster who had taken control over her life, made her feel fear even before the Walker infestation had begun, he had provided her with the first opportunity to break free. Some of it, sometimes she hoped most of it, had come for her, over time, but he had been there. He had looked for Sophia when nobody would. He had saved her when the farm had been attacked. He had found her when she had found the will to live after the riot in the prison and she had barricaded herself in a cell, waiting for a natural painful death rather than let the Walkers do the job.

He had come back to the camp, come back to her in a way, and taken charge of the people there who needed guidance. She had stepped up her game, and had become part of the Council, knowing without a doubt she deserved her seat there as much as the others. He hadn't pushed her, but he hadn't held her back either. He had let her do her thing, speaking some words here and there, few but meaningful. When she had taken more and more responsibilities, he had stood by her, never doubting she was up to the task.

And so, when the world ended, it was truly when she had started to live again. All of it, the pain, the losses, the small joys here and there, and the pride she know felt again when she would watch her reflection in the mirror, all of this had been born from death. It was the end of the world as they knew it, reality changing quickly, so quickly it made her head spin, but there was life in this world of death. There was friendship, and love. It had taken the world spinning on its axis for her to break free from the tyranny of her husband. The sacrifice she had to pay next had almost killed her, but she had proven stronger. She still addressed prayers to whoever was listening, if there was indeed someone, for her little girl, recommending her soul to the angels.

She had been dead before the Apocalypse began, how fitting was it that she would find a new life with it?

"You're looking damn serious", Daryl said, coming out of nowhere.

Carol smiled at him, this Mona Lisa smile she knew he liked the most, that only he could ellicit from her. She finished clearing away the goods they had gotten with the previous raid, and got up.

"Want to tell me what's going on in that head of yours?" He asked again, and she wanted to hug him.

There was something about this man, that made her feel so different. He had helped her get her past behind, had mourned with her a little girl he hadn't fathered, and was still by her side. After all they had been through, he still would look at her wearily sometimes, in a way that told her he wasn't afraid of her, but afraid he wasn't saying what she needed to hear, or being who she needed him to be.

Except he was, without even trying. It was instinctive for him, even though he was probably the only person on earth who didn't see it.

"A girl's gotta keep some of her secrets," she joked. "A lady can't be an open book for all to read," she said, thinking that he was the one who knew her best anyway.

"Fine, be that way... I thought we had something" he said jokingly yet pretending to be hurt, readjusting his bow on his shoulder.

She could see that glint in his eye, which let her know he was just happy she was happy.

Such simple emotions, such a change from who she had been. With him, she finally felt like a woman again. It was awkward at times, as she had previously let her sexual identity disappear to only be a mother to her daughter, but it was also exhilarating. It was like puberty without the mood swings and the constraints: she only felt blooming, like each day passing was another day she was becoming feminine, and sensual again. He of course was nothing but a gentleman, but she had high hopes. She was reclaiming her life, and her needs, not repressing them anymore, not feeling ashamed that she was feeling alive again.

"Oh Pookie," she said, using the nickname he pretended to dislike when it brought a smile in his eyes, "don't be like that. You know you're my favorite person on this camp."

He put his arm around her shoulder as they made their way to the main room.

"Do you like me more than you like Judith then?"

She rolled her eyes, but put a hand on his hip, and he asked that time if she liked him more than she liked Beth. She couldn't answer, not yet, but both knew without the words having to be said that she loved the little girl, and she loved the older little girl too, but the love she felt for them was very different from what she felt for him.

She called him a brat, and he just tightened his grip on her.

She didn't feel fear when she was in his embrace.

At the end of the world, she had found herself again.


End file.
